By now we’ve all seen the Bumble anti-celibacy ads right…? RIGHT?
In a year that’s already seen a new CEO and an abandonment of Bumble’s cardinal rule of having women make the first move, I thought we were done with Bumble-related controversies for a while. But alas…
ICYMI, Bumble’s clearly seen the new trends taking over social media about women taking on their own personal vows of celibacy. Tired of the endless swipes of dating apps, the feelings of disrespect and downright harassment, many women have decided they’re simply done with dating altogether. Many actually look to the 4B movement, originated in South Korea, as the source of this new campaign. But any of us who read Lysistrata in high school know that this is far from a new concept for women.
For better or for worse, sex is often seen as the most powerful (or sometimes, the only) weapon that women can effectively wield over men. So if people really are sick of modern dating culture, it’s no surprise that they’ve dug into the archives for this tried and true method to voice their discontent — withholding sex.
Bumble undoubtedly saw this trend growing and, knowing it would hurt their bottom line, began brainstorming how to respond. My guess: they allocated a few million dollars to their marketing team to hire some creative gurus to think up a cheeky response — one they hoped would get women thinking about re-downloading their apps and maybe even spark a little conversation at the same time. Welp, they certainly achieved the latter objective.
Their ads, including a full-on commercial featuring a woman giving up her newfound desire to become a nun after seeing some well-times thirst traps, basically told women to get over themselves and have more sex. Sex is fun! Sex is sexy. Remember how much you loved sex that one time the guy actually made sure you came before he did…?
I’m not surprised that women didn’t love Bumble’s take. Honestly, I didn’t love it either. It fell flat for me, felt a little tone deaf, and overall made me less excited about jumping into the dating app pool than I already was (personal note: I’m newly single and trying to figure out how to get myself back out there again, so thanks for that Bumble…).
But does that mean they should have taken it down?
Here’s where I think we lost the plot. You can hate Bumble’s ads. You can even think they’re offensive and disregard the real danger that women undergo every time they take the risk of going on a first date with someone they don’t know (an extremely valid take). But why does that mean that the ads need to be pulled completely?
On the one hand, Bumble (or any company for that matter) isn’t the end all be all authority on how we should be leading our romantic lives. We are all perfectly free to do whatever the f*ck we want when it comes to dating. But on the other hand, Bumble IS one of the biggest apps that facilitates (supposedly) authentic connections that lead to long-lasting relationships in real life. So should they be more careful? Or are we all being too sensitive?
Ads suck sometimes. They miss the mark, they don’t drive revenue for the company, or they simply tell the wrong story. And that’s FINE. I actually think these ads spurring us into conversations around why women have gotten so sick and tired of dating that they’re literally joking about becoming nuns isn’t the worst thing an ad campaign has done in recent memory. So if you want my vote, I say keep the ads up. Let people be mad. Let people talk about it! Honestly, I think that might hurt Bumble’s bottom line more than this apology tour does anyway, if that’s really your goal in all of this.
At the end of the day, the outrage and subsequent apology about these ads show us more about modern dating dynamics than the ads themselves. It really does feel like we’re getting to a watershed moment in how people are thinking about and approaching romantic relationships. From the loneliness epidemic to frustration with online dating (see above) to the fact that many women are simply happy to live independent solo lives, it’s clear that something isn’t clicking (or swiping) in today’s age of app-fueled dating.
But WE are the ones who get to have this conversation and decide how we want to proceed. No company is going to tell us (certainly not Bumble), as much as they’re desperately trying to regain control of the narrative. But let’s also not allow the loudest or angriest voices on the internet be the ones to dictate how we live our lives.
So what should we do then? My therapist would kill me for using the s-word, but I’ll still give you my opinion…
- Let’s assume positive intent as much as we can
- Yes, Bumble is trying to make money, but they also appear (IN MY OPINION) to have been trying to make a cheeky reference to something broken that they’d like to have a hand in helping to fix
- Let’s allow people to be angry or laugh at an ad campaign that misses the mark
- Rather than forcing every situation to be binary, let’s use these opportunities as a means to inspire reflection so that we can all decide, as individuals, how we want to approach our own romantic relationships going forward
- Then let’s do whatever the f*ck we want with our personal lives
- Because we’re all individuals, and everyone’s situation can be different and their own
This is my opinion. Is yours different? Let’s see how we can do with some respectful discourse in the comments perhaps…let’s hear it.